Shipping: Free 2nd Class on orders over £10 or free 1st Class on orders over £20.

Shipping: Free 2nd Class on orders over £10
or free 1st Class on orders over £20.

5 minutes to poo in peace – funny card for dads

VIBE: , , ,
RECIPIENT: , ,

£3.50

5 minutes to poo in peace - funny card for dads
5 minutes to poo in peace - funny card for dads - Image 2

What's on the card?

Front reads: all dad wanted for his birthday… was 5 minutes to take a shit in peace.
Inside: Blank. Say what you like.

About this card

A tribute to the real birthday wish: peace, quiet, and a solitary trip to the loo. This card gets it, parenthood is carnage, and sometimes the best gift is just being left the hell alone.

The details

  • Card size: 148 x 148 mm / Envelope: 155 x 155 mm (Royal Mail standard letter)
  • Printed on 300gsm FSC® certified board – smooth, sturdy, and fully recyclable
  • No lamination, foil or plastic. Just bold design and a clean conscience
  • Comes with a bold coloured envelope (FSC® certified and recyclable)
  • Hand-packed in a compostable sleeve made from plants

From Yorkshire with love

Our cards are designed, packed, and sent to you from our small studio here in Yorkshire.
At SquareMorph we’re all about making loud cards with low impact.
Find out how we do our bit.

Product FAQs

Dads doing their best and dreaming of five undisturbed minutes. Perfect from partners, kids, or anyone who knows the bathroom is the last safe space.

We keep things raw and real – no gloss, no foil, no lamination, ever.

Why? Shiny finishes can look fancy, but they’re usually plastic-based and make recycling a nightmare. Our cards have a kind of rough-and-ready feel. That’s not to say they don’t look and feel amazing – they really do, thanks to the extremely high-quality card stock we use.

The best part? The cards are fully recyclable. That means you don’t have to feel guilty about buying them, and we don’t have to feel guilty about selling them. Result.

We’ve ditched the landfill-fodder and gone all-in on materials and packaging that’s kind to the planet:

  • FSC® certified board and envelopes (fully recyclable)
  • No lamination, foil or plastic finishes
  • Compostable sleeves made from corn starch (PLA – home & industrial compostable)
  • All packaging either recyclable or compostable

SKU

GCOCBIRTASIP

Other stuff you might like

Could’ve bought a Lambo – funny card about nursery fees

£3.50

Daddy is brave… but has a weakness – funny card for dads of toddlers

£3.50

Cuddles and snot – funny card for mum

£3.50

All mum wanted… to pee in peace – funny birthday card

£3.50

Sleep when the baby sleeps – funny card for new parents

£3.50

The don’t care era – funny birthday card

£3.50

slightly unhinged.
not serious.
not sorry.

Designed & Printed in the UK.

Help

About

© 2025 CoreMorph Limited trading as SquareMorph. All rights reserved. All content, designs and artwork are the intellectual property of CoreMorph Limited and may not be reproduced without permission.

Company No: 12617354  |  VAT No: 481200133